I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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