I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
There's always time for handjobs
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
