you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
