we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
