I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
