in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
