i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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