I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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