wanna go halves on a baby?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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