so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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