I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
