Please, let me fuck your mom
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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