ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
