the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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