Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
