I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
