He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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