Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
