You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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