I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
