If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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