You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
