sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
