some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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