I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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