I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
