He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
