So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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