Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
