Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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