I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
