My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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