I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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