Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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