I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
