I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
do herpes really smell.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
