I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Randomize
