she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
