The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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