what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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