i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Come share oat with me in your robe
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
