I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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