And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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