took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
