I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
