I met the friendliest cop last night
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
