I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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