tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
