What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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