low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
