Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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