I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
