I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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