I hate your face
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
