Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
