We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
how does that bad decision feel?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
