Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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