Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
