I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
