When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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