there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
there is puke in my bra ... again
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
