I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
